#in the throws of insomnia

[galactic-aesir]

me, explaining arthur and john's deal: --it's like in homestuck, right? they have a matesprit-maybe-moirail/kismesis type vacillation thing going on. its back and forth and back again, like a flush/pitch switcheroo and--

my friend: dear god, please stop

[caer-gai]

you ever think about how lancelot like chronically kills the people he loves? not always in a direct and literal sense but baaad stuff happens (or almost happens) to the people he cares about usually directly because of him

Gawain's obvious with the red-hilted sowrd prophesy and all but honestly that blade could've just said 'Sir Launcelot will kill those he loves most" and still been right on the money.

Galehuant (and one of the Elaine's) dies of grief over lancelot

Guinevere almost gets burned at the stake because of her affair with lancelot and him subsequently not taking her with him when he fled

Galahad gives himself up to the grail quest (something lancelot can't do) so completely it takes him (this is on shaky ground but let me have my moment)

Lancelot kills Gareth in blind rage

lancelot mortally wounds Gawain

Lancelot through his affair and killing half the round table in one go sets the stage for Mordred's usurpation and Arthur's death

Loving him is dangerous

Being loved by him is dangerous

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy Pride month everyone B*) Allow me to reveal a little behind the scenes detail behind my Banner and Icon. Love was always winning <3

[shadyvoidhologram]

I was laying in bed overthinking, as you do, and started to go on a depressive doom spiral. And then, to distract myself I started thinking about the things I like.

[Spoilers and some gross details incoming, you know what Mouthwashing is about]

So, eventually I started thinking about Curly being in a similar headspace as I was, laying down, incapable of doing anything, constantly in pain and hearing time and time again how quickly things are going to shit and that it's all your fault.

Him replaying his mistakes over and over on his head, imagining the many ways things could've gone a different way if only he had done something instead of ignoring the issues to "keep the peace".

Remembering every interaction that led to the accident, Anya's confession, his friends poorly disguised resentment, him ignoring and filtering details of his crew's mental state, her taking the gun, the notice, Jimmy.

Him being a coward and disguising his hate of confrontation with the guise of being a good friend.

And then comming back to reality, to is burning flesh. To the blood, shit and bile staining the bandages, robe and bed, to watching and hearing his friends suffer and die, unable to do anything.

When the kid dies, in the midst of all the emotional chaos, he feels some sick sense of relief knowing that probably Swansea will deal with both of them quickly and it'll be over at last.

Then Jimmy finds the gun.

And he can't help but laugh. He remembers the conversation they had and he cackles bitterly because not even in death can her wishes be respected. She trusted him and he failed her even after she was gone.

Soon enough it's just the two of them left.

Through muffled ears he hears Jimmy rambling, talking to himself, asking questions and answering right after, he sees him moving the bodies around. When Jimmy carries him from the infirmary to the common room table he's still as stone, not a sound leaves his mouth, he doesn't look at the bodies thrown on the chairs around the table, he doesn't even breathe.

But all of Jimmy's attention, hatred, idolatry, and envy are on him only. Eyes glossy, cut pieces of a one sided conversation and a tentative smile on his lips when he reaches for the slightly dented knife.

He screams until his lungs close and his throat burns. When he's fed parts of himself he cries and throws up until he is forced to swallow and keep it down.

He's dehidrated, half delirious from the blood loss and emotionally checked out when Jimmy picks him up and tells him they can still fix this, he knows what to do. That he's going home.

Sure, he thinks, he wants to go home.

When he's placed on the cryopod he just stares at Jimmy talk to himself at him some more, about being heroes and everything being all right now. Then he steps out of sight.

It's on the silence after the loud bang when his brain starts working again, he's completely and utterly alone on a crashed ship of a company that's closing it's doors, with a now depleted shipment that wasn't even important enough to guarantee a search party, and no way of fending for himself in the case of 20 years passing and no one coming, even less if the power gave out before that.

As the cryopod finally starts to cool, the few tears he has left fall from his remaining eye.

He hopes he doesn't wake up to see what happens next.

..ok see y'all when I wake up-

[fallstreakfeathers]

Human as you are

When you tell him you want to demat his hair, you're met with a scoff

"It'd have to be cut. All of it. Make me uglier than I already am" he snarls

You disagree, and sweetly push, reassure, promise

He rolls his eyes, fights, tries to intimidate

Mumbles a sarcastic "only if you're naked, too"

He hopes it shuts you up. Embarrasses. Deflects your horrible insistence

To his shock, terror, you agree.

You sit behind him, nude in water a little too warm for your liking, muscles undoubtedly to cramp in the small space of a tub not meant for two people, but that's okay

It's claustrophobic, suffocating

But that's okay, too, because he's letting you close to him

Letting himself be vulnerable

An honor even his sister rarely sees, you're aware, even if he's mostly hidden himself from you by the ridiculous amount of soap bubbles that surround your bodies like snowfall

Even if he refuses to let his weary eyes meet yours

Gentle hands soak his gnarled, broken strands with conditioner and detanglers

He flinches under your touch

Your touch, which has never hurt him, would never, could never

But the world has, the world will, the world takes wicked joy in it, and that is enough to justify the tenseness of his shoulders and the bobbing of his throat as he swallows, forcing himself to still

To trust his judgement

To trust you

You pretend not to notice, preserve his pride, devour your own

He swears it burns where your flesh touches his, wonders if you think him as diseased as everyone else does, wonders if you even care

Wonders if Daki allowed you this time away from scrubbing floors to spoil her dear brother

Wonders how you stand the stench, human as you are, of the blood and gore and the decomposing filth that may as well take up as much of his head as his dark locks do

A bladed comb cuts through the worst of it, straightening the rest as much as his hair allows

He watches your reflection in the water, watches your tongue poke through your lips as you concentrate on a particularly stubborn mat, watches you smile as you massage the falling suds into the spots on his shoulders- not to erase but to soothe

You would never hurt him

You work long, and pull so many unsavable chunks from his head he fears you really might cut him bald

You work hard, and resist the urge to playfully squish the inky dots below the corners of his mouth

There's no pain in your work, not enough for an Oni of his strength to notice, but you apologize every time the brush catches his knots anyway 

It's cute

You're cute, he thinks

Eventually, slowly, he allows himself to lean into you

Relaxes in the warmth surrounding him

He tells himself it's only so you don't have to stretch so far to reach him

Wouldn't want you to hurt your weak human arms

Ignores the inner voice that snickers with the knowledge that if he weren't so ugly, prideful, scared, he may have even allowed himself to smile

And when you leave, finally, to let him to wash his lower half without the threat of you, and he's left to sit in cooling water, eyes wide in the confusion that someone dares to care for him in such a way, like he's not disgusting, like he's not a monster, like he's a person, he pretends the tears threatening to fall is just the water left from his hair.

[kitten4sannie]

going to work on zero sleep today ….. wish me luck :)))))))

[stormyoceans]

IT'S FINALLY TIME

[amuseoffyre]

I don't know about you guys, but I am having a Time of It

Me: look at all the bird symbolism all through the episodes! Also me: OMG look at all the myffic beastie metaphors and the symbols tied up within them and around them! Kraken! Mermaid! Unicorn! Phoenix! Also also me: OMFG I CAN'T BELIEVE THE FISHIE ALLEGORIES TOO! AND THE SHARKS! AND TRIPLE LAYERS OF THEM DEPENDING WHO USES THEM AND HOW THEY RELATE TO OTHER PEOPLE! Also also also me: THEY USED THE FRIGGING TOUR OF THE SHIP MUSIC FROM 1x04 FOR IZZY GIVING STEDE A TOUR OF PIRATE SKILLS!!!!! REPRESENTING A MUSICAL AND TONAL SHIFT IN DYNAMIC AND IZZY INVITING STEDE INTO HIS WORLD LIKE STEDE INVITED ED! Also also also also me: SYMBOLIC USE OF RUBENS AND CARAVAGGIO PAINTINGS THAT APPEAR BRIEFLY IN SIGNIFICANT MOMENTS AND REFLECT THE CURRENT TENSIONS OF THE NARRATIVE!!!!!!!!! Also also also also also me: i need to write another fic right this instant because if i don't get this out of my head i will scream

[cupophrogs]

This stress insomnia is making me stressed

[ginncide]

enter: the humans (finally)

[iwonderwh0]

I feel like antipsychotics have finally left my body 🎉

[thatuselesshuman]

Y'ALL I FINALLY GOT A FUCKING DIAGNOSIS FOR THE SHIT I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH SINCE I WAS 18 LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOO 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[mourningmaybells]

my brother who made fun of me for being fatter and unemployed has begun monetizing his thirst traps so i need at least one of the two recent videos to succeed to spite him a little

[snackugaki]

closing out the weekend with completely calm and rational feelings about my precious, beloved daughter Venus

[billygaysanguine]

ok now what if a pinup was kinda fucked up and crazy (blood spatter under the cut)

[grubbed-up-goblen]

Me, sipping an orange soda and nibbling a chocolate chip muffin: why the heck can’t I sleep???